Watching the Clouds

3ec3fa1da85963cb351d6473643a7f79May day for some, Beltaine for others. I went for a dawn walk this morning at Bratton Camp, & watched a doe emerge from the mist. Beautiful, mysterious, magical, inspiring & breath taking all at once. An enigma. She didn’t stay long, as surprised to see me as I was her, startled, she darted off back into the mist again.

It was grey & overcast so no sun rise to watch, so I watched the clouds overhead instead. This was what I was gifted 🙂

Watching the Clouds.

A woman,
A genie,
A phoenix,
A dragon,
A demon,
A perching peacock,
An inverted horse.

A dolphin,
An eagle,
A snakes head,
A ring,
An archer,
A dogs head,
A bee.

A mermaid,
A hare,
A crowned silhouette,
A crow,
A whale,
A lion,
A seahorse.

The sky…

1st May 2017

Samhain/Halloween Musings & Reflections

2-1October 31st. Samhain. Hallowe’en. Yesterday was Diwali, and for those of us in the UK, our ‘Black moon’ of 2016. Autumn is well and truly here and winter is fast approaching. Lots of celebrations going on whatever your faith, and yet this year, more so than normal, I’m finding I’m not feeling much like celebrating.

Instead, I find myself waking up this morning looking out of the window at golds, oranges, browns and yellows on a particularly misty, but pretty day with questions, questions, questions running through my head. I’ve come to recognise that now as a sign of “Uh-Oh, things they are a changing again”, and you’d think by now I’d have gotten used to it, but no, it still has that butterfly effect on my innards as mild anxiety and self doubt arises. If I’m brutally honest with myself, the truth as I see it is things are really always changing, life is a constant state of flux, but like most I still try to cling on to the familiar, the safe, in an attempt to reassure and feel some level of understanding of life, people and everything.

So what questions have I woken with rattling round my head, I hear you ask, after all, that really is the purpose of this post, to share the questions that are going to bug me today. So without further ado, (and through a very third dimensional prism)….

– I’m wondering if we could see ourselves through others perceptions of us, would we recognise ourselves? Or are our self perceptions disjointed relative to other peoples?

– Would we like what we see? Or would we feel guilt and shame?

– If we were to find our views disjointed from others, then are we self-deluded or do they just not “get us”?

– What judgements do we make about ourselves that others don’t? What do they see (good or bad) that we miss? What bits of us do we keep hidden or do they not notice?

– How much of our own self view is just a construction born out of a need to protect ourselves and how much has substance?

– Where do we fit into their lives, and where to they fit into ours?

– And how much do the answers to all this really matter?

And finally, my reader, what do you think?

I have a feeling, today is going to be a loonngg and heavy slog.


blue butterflyThis started off as an experiment with Haiku (I’m not a fan of Haiku’s) but quickly morphed into something else. I really had been watching a butterfly with a damaged wing trying to fly:


I hatched from out my chrysalis,
To try to dry my wings,
That I may fly.
I hatched in anticipation,
I leapt with wings still dampened,
I jumped and fell.

I crawled amongst the undergrowth,
Beauty hidden from above,
Now clear in view.

I stumbled to a clearing,
And basked within the glow,
From up above.
I stretched my broken wings out,
To dry them off once more,
To try again.

I waited for a small breeze,
So again I may be back amongst,
My missing kin.

I soared to where I came from,
And smelt the sweetened scents,
Upon the air.
I revelled in the sunlight,
Glistening on my shinning wings,
Now in their prime.

From on high I looked beneath me,
Now better understanding,
Of the below.

But the clearing where I stumbled,
Unknown to all my kind,
Still draws me back
And I still now sometimes fly there,
And bask beneath the trees,
In solitude

4th August 1999

The Welcoming Womb

welcome_to_paradise___hdr_by_scwl-d4ehrg0.jpgThe Welcoming Womb

Everyone is searching for their own piece of heaven,
We’re all seeking out our own personal asylum,
Looking to find a private haven,
A sheltered harbour to weather the storm from.

A secluded cocoon,
A welcoming womb,

A place beyond daily responsibility,
Where wonder abounds, in glorious infinity,
No malice disturbs the peaceful tranquillity,
A place to hide from the stark reality.

Sheltered from harm,
In protecting arms.

The disturbance of others cannot be heard,
A place to retreat from the stage of the world,
Role playing your bit part is completely absurd,
Life’s audience can’t see, as the real you unfurls.

14th August 1998

Consensus vs. Individuality

An Un-Newsletter from November 2004.neonmusic

Consensus vs. Individuality

I did something completely new to me a couple of weeks ago, and was completely amazed by the whole experience. In the grand scheme of things, nothing major or life threatening, but to me was really moving and was astounded – I went to my first classical music concert with a very special friend of mine. I’m one of those people that listens to music and it usually evokes colours in my imagination, it’s not synesthesia as it’s going on in my head, not my eyes –  REM are typically “purples, blue and green” for example, but this was the entire spectrum all at once, completely overwhelming and uplifting.

I also spent a fair amount of time at the beginning, studying the orchestra, just getting used to it all and figuring who was doing what, watching the conductor and again was intrigued watching him conduct with not just his baton but entire body and facial expressions*. All were in perfect synchronisation – each of the violinist bow arms moving in perfect harmony with one other like a series of pistons in a human machine. Briefly I grinned to myself, wondering if they all tied their own bowties or if they were on elastic or even if they all queued up outside the rather striking woman from the third row of the violins’ dressing room asked her to tie them. But then slowly as I became acclimatised to the whole experience, and became immersed in the whole evening.

A day or so later I received an e-mail from a list I subscribe to – the jist of it being that there seemed to be a need within the group to all agree, and where was the individuality and diversity going. Usually I would agree, personally much preferring the need and rights of everyone, my self included, in being themselves, rather than conforming to convention and what is deemed normal, but from the after glow of the concert, a realisation dawned on me – you can have both – in spite of the apparent synchronicity and the fact they were all dressed identically, each one of those musicians had maintained their own individuality, each responding slightly differently to their combined instruments, and yet at the same time were still perfectly contributing their part to the whole.

So perhaps there is no truth in the apparent mutually exclusivity of the duality of consensus vs. individuality – there is a third way, and both can sit quite comfortably within one another.

A Paradox of Existence

A Paradox of Existence

Confusion, resentment,
Misery mixed with contentment,
Loneliness and stories to be told,
Dichotomies that need to be resolved.

Turmoil to be smoothed,
Requests to be refused,
Consequences to be accepted,
Fallacies to be rejected.

Paradoxes to come to terms,
Lessons that must be relearned,
Friends to share our hopes and dreams,
Solitude to accept as serene.

17th December 1998

The Duality of Morality

The Duality of Morality

The duality of morality,
Can any of us find the constancy,
Of a stand point not tainted by hypocrisy,
To the trials and tribulations of our lives.

Does a never erring policy,
When facing, in all earnesty,
A concept that contradicts your philosophy.
The debate simple lets us know we’re all alive.

After all, we live in a democracy,
Or perhaps that’s just a fallacy,
Dictated to us by a minority,
Who want to control all aspects of our life.

Looked at from above or below,
It’s just another person’s point of view,
Perception influences all we do,
And with this, individuality will thrive.

7th Oct’ 1998