October 31st. Samhain. Hallowe’en. Yesterday was Diwali, and for those of us in the UK, our ‘Black moon’ of 2016. Autumn is well and truly here and winter is fast approaching. Lots of celebrations going on whatever your faith, and yet this year, more so than normal, I’m finding I’m not feeling much like celebrating.
Instead, I find myself waking up this morning looking out of the window at golds, oranges, browns and yellows on a particularly misty, but pretty day with questions, questions, questions running through my head. I’ve come to recognise that now as a sign of “Uh-Oh, things they are a changing again”, and you’d think by now I’d have gotten used to it, but no, it still has that butterfly effect on my innards as mild anxiety and self doubt arises. If I’m brutally honest with myself, the truth as I see it is things are really always changing, life is a constant state of flux, but like most I still try to cling on to the familiar, the safe, in an attempt to reassure and feel some level of understanding of life, people and everything.
So what questions have I woken with rattling round my head, I hear you ask, after all, that really is the purpose of this post, to share the questions that are going to bug me today. So without further ado, (and through a very third dimensional prism)….
– I’m wondering if we could see ourselves through others perceptions of us, would we recognise ourselves? Or are our self perceptions disjointed relative to other peoples?
– Would we like what we see? Or would we feel guilt and shame?
– If we were to find our views disjointed from others, then are we self-deluded or do they just not “get us”?
– What judgements do we make about ourselves that others don’t? What do they see (good or bad) that we miss? What bits of us do we keep hidden or do they not notice?
– How much of our own self view is just a construction born out of a need to protect ourselves and how much has substance?
– Where do we fit into their lives, and where to they fit into ours?
– And how much do the answers to all this really matter?
And finally, my reader, what do you think?
I have a feeling, today is going to be a loonngg and heavy slog.