The Path of Least Resistance

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400 odd years ago, some old bard from the midlands (his name escapes me for a moment 😉 ) wrote summat about “to thine own self be true” in a play about Scandinavian princeling.

This is about when you don’t….(let that be a lesson to you 😛 )

The Path of least Resistance.

I’ll take the path of least resistance every time.
Won’t stand up for my beliefs – that’s my crime.

It’s easier to bend than break,
Has been the watchword that’s served me long.
But I’ve bent so far I’m out of shape,
No longer proud of what I’ve become.

I’ll take the path of least resistance every time.
Won’t stand up for my feelings – that’s my crime.

Contorted by the trials of life,
I’ve been too scared to take the risk.
But the throb in my soul is unbearable now,
Because I slipped my last moral disc.

And the path of least resistance is trodden well,
It’s paved with good intentions but leads to hell

3rd Aug 1998

 

Not Today

semicolonLoss. Grief. Depression.

All of the above really. (And, if I’m totally honest, that nasty S word that’s still a taboo).

Another oldie with a melody I vaguely remember…

Not Today

Dropped a stone into the abyss,
Now waiting for the sound,
Of the echo to come back to me,
When the stone has hit the ground.
But not today,
No, not today.

Peered into the jaws of death,
With a blade against my wrist,
Waiting for Beelzebub,
To take away his gift.
But, not today,
No, not today.

When your mind is somehow frozen,
Your soul lost in the darkest night.
Your heart may keep on beating,
But it’s impossible to write.
Not today,
No, not today.

Looked the devil in the eye,
And locked, and held his gaze,
But the image of his icy stare,
I still just can’t erase.
But, not today,
No, not today.

Haemorrhaging emotions,
‘Til the hurting’s washed away.
There’s no words, dreams, or feelings,
And nothing left to say.
No, not today.
Not today…

20th August 1999

 

 

Fragments

11Another one from out of depression. A few years later, a friend of mine was reading some of the stuff I’d written, and made the observation, that although depression is a dark & less than pleasant place to be, things of beauty can still be created and found in it. It look a while for me to understand where she was coming from – that beauty is everywhere if you can find it, but it did really change my perspective and view on depression & being depressed.Until then writing had merely been a way the only way I had externalising unpleasant emotions.

Fragments.

Soured wine,
Poisoned well,
Bitter pill,
Hollow shell.

Ramses’ Curse,
Vampire’s kiss,
Glutton’s dose,
Oblivion’s bliss.

Broken heart,
No good to man,
Medusa’s stare,
Satan’s plan.

Serpent’s bite,
Venomous sting,
Hunter’s snare,
Shattered wings.

Fragile heart,
Tortured brain,
Tormented soul,
Perpetual pain.

Crippled soul,
Twisted psyche,
Siren’s call,
Vengeful harpie.

23rd Jan 1999

The Miscreant of Misery

d6a105b7142ac8c95e47de3c89b541acI admit that I’ve been a bit hesitant to post this and a few others, more to do with the subject matter, & “outing” myself as someone who has suffered from depression. But if this blog is about being honest about feelings, then I guess I should include the ones perceived as negative, as well as the positive too. I also would say I found writing far more cathartic than any medication or positive thinking courses that Doctors may have prescribed.

The Miscreant of Misery

Feel the knots in your stomach,
Like your first broken heart.
But the pain won’t go away.
Fill your life with tedious mediocrity,
But you act out your part,
You know the knots are here to stay.

A gaping hole in your heart,
Of an infinite size,
Still filling it is all you can do.
You kid yourself nightly,
‘Til you believe your own lies,
Behind your eyes – you know the truth.

Fill every day, every hour,
To blot out what’s lost.
And time will tend to your wounds.
Pray in your despair,
Deliv’ry from the past,
And pray for delivery soon.

The miscreant of misery,
You taste his chaos,
But time will surely tell.
Looking in the mirror,
See perpetual loss.
And remember your personal hell.

Wear a smile on your face,
And don’t let your mask slip.
It will help you face the world.
Laugh and joke with the others,
Don’t let them see you trip,
One day your burden might just unload…

2nd August 1998