On Break-ups…

abbeyPerhaps the worse thing about a break up of a relationship is reduced/lose of contact with your children.

(And maybe the second worse thing is letting yourself get maudlin about it 😉 )

Salmon Abbey

The evenings are the hardest times,
– The good times seem to have passed.
But I’ll sit alone another night,
Peering at the bottom of a glass.
I wish I were there, with you
To kiss your eyes goodnight,
Hear you breathing in your sleep,
Relentless missing gives me no respite.

The mornings are the hardest times,
Because I miss you both so much.
Gaze at my pictures of you,
knowing you’re beyond my touch.
I wish I couldn’t feel as much,
Then I wouldn’t feel the pain,
Sacrifice the pleasure,
If it meant I could stay sane.

I just want to be with you,
I just want to hold you close,
To turn your tears to smiles,
I don’t want to let you go.
I just want to be with you,
And there’s no words to say,
The guilt I feel inside,
Don’t want to be so far away.

Afternoons are the hardest times,
Because you’re always on my mind.
The lose I feel, without you near,
Constant cross to which I’m now resigned.
I wish I were there, with you
To kiss your eyes goodnight,
Hear you breathing in your sleep,
Relentless missing gives me no respite.

I just want to share your joy,
I just want to hear you laugh,
I just want to feel you close,
But it’s torn my heart in half.
I just want to be with you,
And there’s no words to say,
The guilt I feel inside,
Don’t want to be so far away.

I just want to be with you,
And there’s no words to say,
The guilt I feel inside,
Don’t want to be so far away.

13th April 1999


sine.jpgThen there’s also the division of the marital properties…

(Mike did turn this one into a song, although when I wrote it, I had been listening to a lot of “The Beautiful South” – I loved their word play & the way, a dark or maudlin lyric would be juxtaposed with a happy joyful tune – this one also works to one of their songs, but I can’t for the life of me remember which one)

Sine Waves

We’re like two sine waves,
That are out of phase,
Only pass twice in 360 degrees,
Once on the decline, and again on the raise,
Two sine waves out of phase.

Take care of the kids,
Keep the house, and the car,
If that’s what it costs,
Because it’s gone on too far.
Feed the fish and cats,
Take my keys, change the locks,
Take the shirt off my back,
And empty the bank.

We’re like two sine waves,
That are out of phase,
Only pass twice in 360 degrees,
Once on the decline, and again on the raise,
Two sine waves out of phase.

There’s no body else,
But I want to be free,
I don’t love you,
And you don’t love me,
So call in the lawyers,
Let them start their feed,
On a broken down marriage,
And a love gone to seed.

We’re like two sine waves,
That are out of phase,
Only pass twice in 360 degrees,
Once on the decline, and again on the raise,
Two sine waves out of phase.

Take care of the kids,
Keep the house, and the car,
If that’s what it costs,
Because it’s gone on too far.
Feed the fish and cats,
Take my keys, change the locks,
Take the shirt off my back,
And empty the bank.
Empty the bank.

10th November 1998


 

HareBut before all that, there’s the feeling of emptiness & being trapped when you know it’s done it’s course, but have yet to take a step to resolve it.

Creatures of Habit.

We’re just creatures of habit,
Safe in our comfort zone.
Self imposed prisoners,
To scared to claim our thrones.
We’re just creatures of habit,
Won’t push on the envelope,
Denying the problems there,
‘Case we’re unable to cope.

Creature’s of habit,
Like scared little rabbits,
Creature’s of habit,

We’re just creatures of habit,
Frozen in headlights glare,
Burying heads in the sand,
Avoiding the poachers snare.
We’re just creatures of habit,
Circles closing so tightly now,
Smothering feelings,
Side stepping ensuing row.

Creature’s of habit,
Like scared little rabbits,
Creature’s of habit,

We’re just creatures of habit,
Tired of the perpetual tension,
Pulling each other apart,
In apposing directions.
We’re just creatures of habit,
Safe in our comfort zone.
Self imposed prisoners,
To scared to claim our thrones.

Creature’s of habit,
Like scared little rabbits,
Creature’s of habit.

3rd February 1999


Then of course there’s all the recriminations. (Ouch! This one does read back as bitter & twisted, boy do I feel mean now :/ )Animal-fight-club (1).jpg

Are you sleeping OK?
Do you know what you put me through?
I haven’t loved you for a long time,
I should hate you – but I don’t,
There’s nothing there.
And you won’t punish me any more,
It was OUR mistake, not mine alone.

See yourself as the victim, don’t you?
Does it help justify the way you made me feel?
Just for the record, the only real victims were the kids.
But look deep inside you,
Do you feel any remorse?
But that’s beyond you, isn’t it?

Have you found happiness now?
Well it didn’t take you long,
Does he fill the void I didn’t?
Or are you proving to yourself, you’re still desirable?
But just for the record,
I didn’t think you were for a long time.

Well I’m free now – emancipated from your venom,
I’m doing better than I’ve done for a long time,
I’ve taken the reins,
You were holding the chains,
Suffocating, owning,
Controlling, smothering,
Ultimately killing.

I don’t feel anything anymore,
Except maybe regret for the wasted years,
If I could hate you, that would suggest
You’re worthy of wasting energy and feelings over,
And ‘though you’re the mother of my children,
You’re not worth it

1st August 1999


Not to mention the Anger.finger

Can’t Touch Me.

YOU can’t touch me anymore,
Passive resistance,
To your insistence,
And your assistants.
THEY can’t touch me anymore.
No, YOU can’t touch me anymore.

‘Cause I’m immune,
To your oppressive tune.
No longer sing the verse,
To your song perverse.

And YOU can’t crush me anymore,
I’ll keep my distance,
From your persistence,
– Active avoidance.
‘Cause YOU can’t touch me anymore.
No, YOU can’t touch me anymore.

‘Cause I’m immune,
To your oppressive tune.
Your music won’t resume,
And not a moment too soon.

And YOU won’t hurt me anymore,
Hollow confessions,
I’ve learnt the lesson,
No more concessions,
And YOU won’t touch me anymore,
No, YOU won’t touch me anymore.

‘Cause I’m immune,
To your oppressive tune.
Won’t sing the melody,
To the darkest rhapsody.

2nd May 1999

 

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